The Author Of My Story

Happy Sabbath, friends!

October is a month when awareness surrounding obsessive-compulsive disorder, commonly known as OCD, is widely highlighted. Since OCD is something I personally struggle with, I felt that this would be an important message to close out October with.

I love writing messages that bring awareness to mental health while also exploring how those struggles can intersect with Scripture and our spiritual walk with Jesus Christ.

When many people first hear the term OCD, their first thought may be someone who is extremely clean, organized, or particular about things being arranged a certain way.

I wish OCD were that simple.

OCD can be mentally consuming and exhausting. It has a way of taking up space in your mind throughout the day and sometimes even throughout the night.

OCD is not simply liking things neat, organized, or perfect. Clinically, OCD involves obsessions — intrusive and unwanted thoughts, images, urges, feelings, or sensations — and compulsions, which are repetitive physical or mental behaviors performed in response to the distress those obsessions create. Compulsions can include checking, reassurance-seeking, mentally reviewing situations, confessing, avoiding triggers, repeating actions, or trying to achieve a feeling of certainty or that something is finally “just right.”
(National Institute of Mental Health; Surles, 2025)

When Uncertainty Feels Unbearable

One thing that can play a significant role in OCD is the difficulty of sitting with uncertainty.

I know firsthand what that feels like.

I have an immense fear of uncertainty.

My mind constantly wants answers, solutions, reassurance, and anything else that might provide certainty when I am faced with something I cannot know for sure.

How does this relate to our walk with Jesus?

As Christians, we are called to walk by faith even when we cannot see exactly where the road ahead is leading.

And for someone whose mind desperately wants certainty, that can be incredibly difficult.

Relinquishing control over things that have not happened yet — or things that are completely outside of our control — can feel almost unnatural.

I want to know what is coming.

I want to know that I made the right decision.

I want to know that nothing bad will happen.

I want to know that everything is going to work out exactly the way I hope.

But God does not always give us those answers.

Instead, He asks us to trust Him.

2 Corinthians 5:7 (NASB 2020)
“for we walk by faith, not by sight—”

My human instinct is to try to figure out every little detail so I can protect myself from danger, mistakes, disappointment, or hurt.

But God does not ask me to predict every possible outcome.

He invites me to walk with Him even while uncertainty — and sometimes fear — is still present.

When The Mind Keeps Reaching For The Pen

OCD can make uncertainty feel unbearable.

My mind wants reassurance that I made the right choice, that I understood something correctly, that nothing bad will happen, and that everything will eventually turn out the way I expect.

And when I cannot find that certainty, my mind can circle the same thought repeatedly, searching for an answer that finally feels “safe.”

Faith, however, does not always give us certainty about what will happen next.

Faith asks us to trust God even when we do not have certainty.

One way OCD can keep us trapped is through rumination — repeatedly mentally reviewing or analyzing something in an attempt to resolve doubt or feel certain.

It can sound like:

Did I say the right thing?
Did I make the right decision?
What if I misunderstood?
What if something goes wrong?
How can I be completely sure?

Imagine there is a notebook sitting in front of you containing the story of your life.

With OCD, my mind constantly wants to reach for the pen.

I want to write the next page before I have even reached it.

I want to change the plot before anything has happened.

I want to know the ending before the story has had the opportunity to unfold.

But God is asking me to trust the Author.

Proverbs 3:5–6 (NASB 2020)
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.”

Faith Does Not Make OCD Disappear

I want to make something very clear.

Surrendering our lives to God does not mean intrusive thoughts suddenly disappear.

It does not mean I will never experience anxiety again.

It does not mean I will never feel tempted to seek reassurance, mentally review something, or perform another compulsion.

And having OCD does not mean someone lacks faith in God.

OCD is a real mental health disorder, and there are evidence-based treatments available to help people manage it. Seeking appropriate professional help does not contradict faith.

Sometimes surrender, for me, looks like choosing not to chase the certainty my mind is demanding and instead continuing forward while trusting that God can hold what I cannot control.

Through OCD therapy, I have been learning that I cannot always control whether an intrusive thought enters my mind.

What I can continue working on is how I respond to it.

I do not have to give every thought power.

I do not have to solve every uncertainty.

And I do not need a guarantee about the future before I take another step.

OCD Does Not Always Look The Same

While OCD follows the same underlying cycle of obsessions and compulsions, what those obsessions and compulsions focus on can vary greatly from person to person.

These different themes are commonly referred to as OCD subtypes. They are not separate diagnoses, but they can help describe the different ways OCD presents itself.
(Surles, 2025)

Some common themes include contamination OCD, harm OCD, “just right” or perfectionism OCD, relationship OCD, checking OCD, existential OCD, religious or scrupulosity OCD, and several others.

NOCD broadly groups many OCD themes into four categories:

Harm-related themes — fears surrounding hurting oneself or someone else.
Contamination fears — fears involving germs, illness, contamination, or feeling unclean.
“Just right” or perfectionism themes — concerns involving order, symmetry, precision, or things not feeling complete.
Taboo or forbidden thoughts — distressing intrusive thoughts involving subjects such as sex, religion, harm, or violence.
(Surles, 2025)

For this message, I especially want to talk about religious OCD, also known as scrupulosity, because this form of OCD can directly intersect with someone’s relationship with God.

When OCD Attaches Itself To Faith

The International OCD Foundation describes scrupulosity as OCD involving excessive religious or moral concerns.

It may involve repeatedly wondering:

Did I sin?
Did I pray correctly?
Is God upset with me?
Did I truly repent?
What if that thought means something terrible about my faith?

Compulsions can then involve excessive confession, repeatedly seeking reassurance from pastors or loved ones, repeating prayers until they feel “right,” mentally reviewing situations for possible wrongdoing, or trying to obtain complete certainty about religious beliefs.
(International OCD Foundation)

That distinction matters because OCD has the ability to attach itself to the things a person values deeply — including faith.

Something that looks spiritual from the outside can sometimes be driven by fear rather than faith.

Prayer itself is beautiful.

Repentance is biblical.

Seeking wise counsel is good.

But OCD can take something meaningful and turn it into an endless search for certainty.

That is why understanding the difference between healthy faith and compulsive behavior is so important.

Trusting The Author

Let us return to the notebook.

Imagine again that the story of your life is sitting in front of you.

I will be honest: sometimes I want God to hand me the entire manuscript.

I want to flip ahead.

I want to know what happens next.

I want to understand why something happened.

I want confirmation that I made the right decision.

I want to know exactly how everything is going to turn out.

But God rarely hands us the entire story at once.

He asks us to walk with Him one page at a time.

Psalm 37:5 (NASB 2020)
“Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.”

Isaiah 55:8–9 (NASB 2020)
““For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Proverbs 16:9 (NASB 2020)
“The mind of a person plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.”

Perhaps faith is not knowing exactly what is written on the next page.

Perhaps faith is trusting the One who already knows.

God can still use us while we are learning to loosen our grip on the pen.

We do not have to completely overcome every struggle before God can work through us.

We do not have to have every question answered.

We do not have to know the ending.

Instead, we can slowly learn to surrender the pages we cannot control and allow our Heavenly Father to direct our steps according to His will rather than our own.

I may not know what is written on the next page.

I may desperately want to know.

But healing, faith, and surrender are teaching me that I do not have to know the ending in order to trust the Author.

Amen.

Sources & Further Reading

International OCD Foundation. What Is OCD & Scrupulosity?

National Institute of Mental Health. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: When Unwanted Thoughts or Repetitive Behaviors Take Over.

Surles, Taneia, MPH. Common Types of OCD. NOCD, June 16, 2025. Clinically reviewed by Michaela McCloud.