Happy Sabbath, friends! It is officially the month of October, and that means it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I have always felt a calling in my heart to study and talk all things mental health and psychology, which leads me to this message of bringing awareness to domestic violence.
Since we will be delving into what domestic violence is, and how it relates to Scripture…we are also going to delve into my testimony as it relates to this topic. I pray the comfort that the Lord has blessed me with also comforts your life today.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
—2 Corinthians 1:3–4 NIV
The Meaning of Ten Cow Woman
I am sure you noticed the title of this message…Ten Cow Woman. You might be wondering the meaning behind such a unique title. About a year ago, I went to visit a family member after getting out of a toxic three-year situation. This family member was sharing a story about two daughters – one who was exceptionally beautiful, and the other, who was considered plain.
Back in the day, when men sought a wife, they didn’t pay with money, but with cattle in exchange for the daughter’s hand in marriage. A wealthy man came to visit this family, and the father immediately assumed he would choose the exceptionally beautiful daughter. He neglected the other daughter entirely, certain no man would want her.
But to everyone’s surprise, the man chose the daughter who was not considered exceptionally beautiful. Not only that, but he insisted on paying not two cows, not three cows, but ten cows – an extravagant price! A year later, when the daughter returned home with her husband, her father could hardly recognize her. She was radiant, glowing with confidence and joy. When he asked what had changed, she replied:
“I have found a man who makes me happy inside and out, and because of his love and kindness, I am treated beautifully.”
This woman was transformed because she was treated like a Ten Cow Woman. I am here to remind you that you, too, deserve to be treated as such. You deserve a love that leaves you radiant inside and out. And I can confidently say, the only one who has ever treated me like a true Ten Cow Woman is Jesus Christ. His love is so deep that He wouldn’t pay just ten cows – He would give an infinite price, and in fact, He already has by giving His life for us.
My Story
For three years of my life, I was in a situation where I was not treated like a Ten Cow Woman. My story actually relates to a story in the Bible which includes two sisters named Rachel and Leah. In this story, I was Leah.
“When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, ‘It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.’ She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, ‘Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.’ So she named him Simeon. Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, ‘Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.’ So he was named Levi. She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, ‘This time I will praise the Lord.’ So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.”
—Genesis 29:31–35 NIV
For three years, I loved someone deeply, but that love was never returned. Like Leah, I kept striving for his affection, hoping my sacrifices would finally make him love me. I gave up time, family, and even pieces of my identity – yet nothing was enough. He still did not love me, respect me, or value me.
And like Leah, I sacrificed so much just to be chosen. She sacrificed her body and bore children, hoping Jacob’s love would come. I sacrificed my peace, my dignity, and my sense of self – convincing myself that if I just gave a little more, tried a little harder, maybe he would finally see me. But nothing was ever going to be enough for someone who could not love me the way God designed love to be.
The Lord saw my suffering, just as He saw Leah’s, and in His mercy He rescued me. I couldn’t leave on my own, so He made a way – by literally sending him across the country for work. The moment he left, I felt the Lord’s deliverance. I could finally say, like Leah, “This time I will praise the Lord.”
Understanding Domestic Violence
Without going into too much detail, what I endured was domestic violence. No, it was not physical – but emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse can be just as damaging.
Definition:
“Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or technological actions or threats of actions that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone”
(Office on Violence Against Women, 2025).
The Lord does not support domestic violence under any circumstances. His Word is clear:
“The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion.”
—Psalm 11:5 NIV
“Rescue me, Lord, from evildoers; protect me from the violent, who devise evil plans in their hearts and stir up war every day.”—Psalm 140:1–2 NIV
“People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive… brutal, not lovers of the good… Have nothing to do with such people.”—2 Timothy 3:2–9 NIV
That passage in 2 Timothy reads like a description of abuse itself. It also gives us hope: “they will not get very far.” Abuse can make you feel worthless, but God declares you victorious when you return to Him. Leaving an abusive situation displays strength and wisdom.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
—Joshua 1:9 NIV
“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.”—Matthew 10:16 NIV
“Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse.”—Proverbs 2:11–12 NIV
How to Recognize True Love
So then, how do we recognize what true love looks like? Scripture gives us the clearest picture:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
—1 Corinthians 13:4–8 NIV
Now here’s a challenge: replace the word “love” with the name of the person in your life.
_____ is patient…is he/she patient? Or do they have a quick temper? Are they restless, harsh, or easily irritated?
_____ is kind…is he/she kind? Or are they unforgiving, cruel, and lacking empathy?
_____ does not envy…is he/she secure? Or do they show jealousy, insecurity, or distrust?
_____ does not boast, _____ is not proud…is he/she humble? Or do they boast and demand to always be right?
_____ does not dishonor others…is he/she respectful? Or do they belittle, disrespect boundaries, and shame others?
_____ is not self-seeking…does he/she put others first? Or are they selfish, always demanding their own way?
_____ is not easily angered…is he/she gracious and patient? Or do they lash out and rage?
_____ keeps no record of wrongs…does he/she forgive? Or do they bring up past mistakes to use as weapons against you?
_____ does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth…do they live out their faith in Christ? Or do their actions deny the God they claim to know?
_____ always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…do you feel safe, uplifted, and secure with this person?
_____ never fails…have they been faithful in both your highs and lows? Or have they abandoned and betrayed you when it mattered most?
When you test someone’s love this way, the truth becomes clear. And when you put Jesus’ name in that passage, He passes every single test:
Jesus is patient. Jesus is kind. Jesus does not envy. Jesus does not boast. Jesus is not proud. Jesus does not dishonor others. Jesus is not self-seeking. Jesus is not easily angered. Jesus keeps no record of wrongs. Jesus does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Jesus always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Jesus never fails.
That is the love you deserve. That is the love you already have in Him.
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love… Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
—John 15:9–17 NIV
We are so blessed to have a Savior who loves us endlessly. Don’t settle for less when the King of the universe has called you His beloved. You are worth more than ten cows – you are worth the blood of Jesus Christ.
Amen.
***
Domestic violence. Office on Violence Against Women (OVW). (2025, January 22). https://www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence
Saved By His Grace 
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